I'll tell you what!

I’ll tell you what!

Bemused, perplexed, confused and flabbergasted. That’s pretty much the state of mind I’m in for the majority of my football related viewing. I spend most of my time trying to find reason in football related matters, which is of course, redundant.

I don’t know why I watch football, all it does is throw problems at me, and it seems to do that to everyone. The ‘Oxbridge’ boat race is on as I type this, and although pointless on the outside, it’s simplicity has a beauty to it that football doesn’t. It’s just a bunch of testosterone fueled toffs pulling on sticks for 15 minutes as hard as they can, simple, no?

When I compare this to football, to all the controversy, the cheating, the vulgarity of riches and the desolation of broken institutions, I have to wonder why I follow such an embarrassing calamity of a business. Like a cheap old whore coming out of retirement, football has threw on it’s lipstick, squeezed into it’s old heels, stuck some extensions in, splattered a bucket of foundation on it’s face and tried to pass itself off as a business. A recent report from Sid Lowe about the Spanish game is relevant to football in all of the major leagues (http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/blog/2010/mar/28/barcelona-real-madrid-spain).

I used to be of the impression that once the whistle starts a game to when the whistle blows for full time then nothing else matters. This season however has highlighted that the blatant incompetence, hypocrisy and cheating is as abundant on the pitch as it is off the pitch. Watching Fernando Torres getting cynically kicked all over the park against Benfica on Thursday night was like watching a puppy sat outside in the rain looking back in at your warm toasty haven; completely disappointing, sad and overwhelmingly deflating.

I can’t put my finger on what the problem is, and I worry that if my finger ever came into contact with the problem then it would be quickly bitten off by whatever foul beast is responsible. If I was speculating (which I obviously am) then the root cause is likely to be money. It makes people greedy and at it certainly affects peoples judgments.

I’m starting to think there’s a simplicity in supporting a team that’s not in the media spotlight week in week out. Part of the infuriation that plagues most football fans is ‘expert’ opinion. Now I’m not going to get dragged down into a rant (again) on punditry but if I could leave a ticking suitcase anywhere in the world then watch out Sky Studios!

Back to football, I was very impressed with the hostile atmosphere created by the Benfica fans during our game, it’s a passion that is generally missing in England. I know Rafa came out and talked about our fans being the 12th man but lets be honest, we’re only up for a game a couple of times a year. For the rest of the games the stands are full of slack-jawed louts who don’t know their arses from their elbows and the only thing they’re experts on is the price of a pint. That isn’t exclusive to Liverpool of course, all around England the passionate fan is being replaced by the angry fan. There’s a subtle difference and too many people are blatantly missing the point.

Everybody’s an expert and especially with hindsight it’s easy to preach to others about ‘what you would have done’ but the fact is, nobody cares, because they’re too wrapped up in what they believe themselves. In a way that’s what makes the game so popular, the fact that everyone can have an opinion. What drags it down is the way those opinions escalate into widely held beliefs (fueled by anger) and then, heaven forbid, end up oozing out of Jamie Redknapps mouth.

Right now I’m watching Man City run riot at Turf Moore and although it’s apparent that Burnley are hurtling towards the comforting bosom of Championship Football.
It’s reassuring to see that the majority of Burnley fans are sticking by their team after conceding 4 goals in 20 minutes. I admire that in a strange sort of way, although admiring the brave is very similar to admiring the stupid.

With a touch of foresight, I’d like to remind those expecting some sort of ‘Kop roar’ against Benfica to not get your hopes up, I think you should find a CD of the Kop’s best chants and just throw that on. I fully expect (if Liverpool aren’t winning after 30 minutes) for a chorus of moans, groans and stale old shouts at the same old players so watch out Lucas and Mr Kuyt!

From now to the end of the season I’m going to try and grow a cocoon of ignorance were I’ll try my best to avoid all lager infused opinion and steer clear of any expert punditry. Bring on Eurosport and it’s excellent Eurogoals show! No opinion, just goals. Yes please.